Major fibro day!

As some of you know I have fibromyalgia. Not many people know what it is other than some people use it as an excuse. Basically I hurt all the time, I am tired all the time and most days I forget where I left my keys! Some days I actually feel normal and can function like the fibro never existed and some days I dont want to even get out of bed... today is one of those days - and actually the 2nd day in a row. Yesterday I woke up feeling exhausted and every joint in my body aching. Basically is it pain like arthritis... but it is the muscles around the joints that hurt not the joint itself. There are a bunch of other symptoms that go along with the pain - cronic headaches and back pain, restless leg symdrom (the reason I feel so exhausted - I dont sleep well some nights) and something those of us with fibro have dubbed "fibro fog". I am not sure what causes this in most of use but you get so foggy in the brain you forget things - like one morning I was really hurting and feeling bad - when I made coffee, I had my cup in my hand when I went to the fridge to get the cream. I apparently put the cup in the fridge while I reached in to get the cream. Then turned to the coffee pot to put coffee in my cup - not knowing where the heck my cup was... so I went to the cupboard for a cup and placed the cream on the shelf... that is when it dawned on me! I had left the cup in the fridge... it is almost like you are half drugged - your brain doesnt work up to speed. It makes it very hard to concentrate on work or anything other than the desire to go back to bed and sleep - 1 because you are tired and 2 because it is a good way to escape the pain... The pain is caused by basically slow healing. Most people when they exercise or just doing daily cores around the house, the muscles you use get like microscopic tears in them and over a few hours or over night depending on the extent of the exercise, those tears heal and make the muscle a bit stronger. Everyday building and building slowly. People with fibro - those little microscopic tears take (for illustrative purposes) 10 times longer or so... if I go and do a strenuous work out and then go home and clean my house I would be laid up for 2-3 days hurting like I was hit by a Mac truck. But I also cant just sit around and do nothing because research has shown that staying somewhat active actually helps to keep the flare ups at a minimum. So exercising and everyday life is like walking a tight rope for me... a very fine line from feeling ok to hurting like hell!

Well apparently yesterday I crossed the line a bit. I was working on our master bathroom... it has been a bit crowded with boxes and tools... we are doing some remodeling. Well it has been a while since we worked in there - having moved to a different project while the weather is nice... I got tired of walking and living around all that junk so I started to sort, move and clean... by the end of the day I was a bit tired and my back hurt. Well this morning I feel like hell! Uggggg you would think I would learn!

Time flies when your having fun!

Dan and I had our 2nd anniversary yesterday. The day was ok - he had to work but was home at a decent time... but it wasnt as memorable as last year's - our first - I guess we will have a hard time topping that one. Last year we took the bike down the Oregon coastline and ended up in Reedsport at the Casino there. We had decided to just make a ride and stop when we were tired of riding, get a hotel room, have a nice dinner and make a night of it... Well as we were heading south and getting to Dune City the 'big light-bulb' comes on - weekend of Dune Fest! We were lucky to get the room at the casino - it was a last min. cancellation! But a nice room and it worked out AWESOME! The casino is right on the bay and we didnt have to worry about getting our gear back on to take the bike out to find dinner - we had a really nice meal at the restaurant in the hotel. Well this year the bike is in the shop, our anniversary is during the work week and over the weekend Dan misplaced his wallet - so he didnt have any money yesterday to even get me a card... we didnt go out to dinner because of the kids, I got him a really nice card when I went to get my Mom's birthday stuff (her birthday yesterday too!) but we didnt even have a nice quiet evening here... kids were a pain and Dan got a headache going to bed early... I didnt even get my snuggles! Oh well the important thing is that we have been together for 2 years now and despite our money issues, dealing with children and remodeling our house we have a fuller, more enriched life together than we have both had in years! I have to say I am comfortable in ever aspect with him - except our money problems... which is a whole other blog subject. I never thought I would be happy again after the divorce but this man is amazing! He has taken on a complete pre-packaged family with the most loving patience. We had a running joke from a friend who has been in long relationships with a few men who in the end wouldnt commit - she told me take sometime (this was the beginning of our relationship) to get to know each other but Dan you only have 2 years to make a decision! So I tease him all the time - so what it is going to be? We have talked about marriage and both agree it is best to wait until I have finished school to get married - I would lose a good portion of my grants... but I keep asking what is wrong with a long term engagement?! He answers with "Well hunny we are basically engaged... your wearing a ring." But I must point out to him that is a promise ring which HE was very particular about pointing out "this is just a promise ring" when he gave it to me for Christmas almost 2 years ago... He keeps saying why break something that is so good by getting married? I just dont see how he can put our relationship and his relationship with his ex-wife on a scale... it is like comparing apples to steak! I think he is afraid of what he went through with Jennifer happening again. I have told him I would never leave him and I know I wouldnt - I put up with SOOOOO much with Rob to try to keep our marriage intact - Dan would never do those things so I know there is NOTHING he could do that would make me leave him. When I asked him last night (smiling a wicked grin of course) now that we are at the 2 year mark what his decision was - he told me that is really hasnt been a whole 2 years - I am still on probation. HAHAHAHA - I give him that. We just celebrated our 2 years of knowing each other... it was about a month after we started dating that we knew we loved each other - soooo I told him "Ok - you have another month grace period but I expect at least rubies and white gold!" :D

Why me?!

Why is it that I cant keep a single nice thing in my life?! I swear... between the kids, the cats or Dan (not to mention my own occasional clumsiness) all my nice s*&t gets broken or ruined! John seems to think the once-in-a-while game of BASEBALL in the house is fine - until he shatters the plaster hand print I had of his from his first birthday! I guess putting everything worth keeping in one room that is supposed to be the formal living room - thus telling children to stay out - was just too much for his little brain to handle... Or in throwing a fit he crushes a old figurine of mine from when I was a kid... I guess it has just been the week of breaking things that were important to Theresa. Melissa while trying to sweep swings the broom handle around and knocks off the vase on the counter... Serena dinkin around in the bathroom - slams the door banging a small mirror off the wall. Well to top it all off tonight Dan is moving all this crap around for his new XBox 360 - taking the original XBox into the other family room and setting up the new one in our family room... I have said several time "Please move that glass thermometer off the TV before it gets knocked off while moving the TV." Well it wasnt from moving the TV but he was digging around behind the TV looking cables and pulling things out from behind - so what does he do swings a cable right 'through' it and it goes crashing to the floor.... *sigh* So now I am sitting here wanting to be pissed off and he is trying to make me feel better - he is good at making things better... so I am rationalizing it like I always do - I really didnt want it around - it was a christmas present from my Mom to Rob and I so... I guess it is OK that it is now in the garbage - fitting I suppose... but the other stuff around here was important to me...I cant wait until my kids grow up just a bit more and things stop getting smashed!